Inside my mind

Today I was sitting thinking, i have just been diagnosed with Barrett’s Disease in it’s worst form, my esophagus has actually snapped.  I don’t know about you, but i have never even heard of anything like that.  This goes in conjunction with antran gastritis, an autoimune disease of the stomach, so my throats snapped, and my stomach can’t accept normal food. 

I’m sad, of course i am sad, but that take up a small part of me, there is a massive part of me thats absolutely furious.  Because this is when the memories start coming back.

 

you know, you never hear of anyone snapping their esophagus, so one of the first things into my head was, did this happen to me because I was strangled, did he weaken it? no one ever gives me a straight answer. 

lets go back 9 years, I was ‘taken’ by a man in his 50’s and his mother in her 70’s, I thought i was close to the mother, but all her attentions had been to the one end, To get me and my 2 children, away from my husband and cut off from the rest of the world.  I’m ashamed to to say I was easy to ‘groom’.  At that time we were having problems and these two people, Ardy (the 50+) son and the (70+) mother, we’re just waitingfor the right time,  The set a trap and I walked straight into it,  then i spent the next 3 months chianed to a wall in a ranch out in the boonies, 75 miles north of fort Worth.  

Luckily gerry (the mother of the nutter) had a room set up for the kids,all tv and games and toys, my room was different. a bed, handcuffed to the wall,  i was allowed some movement, and the evening, I was even allowed to sit in a lounge with crazy Ardy and crazy Gerry and my boys on my lap, only thing was Ardy had a gun pointed at us the whole time.  but they were safe as long s i did s i was told.

i should have done something, i don’t know what, but there has to have been something that I could have done.  We were in a very isolated area, no cell phone coverage, not that i had a phone anyway.  Ardy had a phone, but the base until was in the room where i was kept, he had the handset with him all the time.

The numbers written on the phone were are for judge————, sherrif———– officer———– even if i could have got the phone i would have been scared to go to the police i’l long since been convinced that Ardy was very good friends with the local cops, he’d always said that if Kevin came looking for me he’d have one of his ‘buddies’ plant drugs on kevin and he’d go to jail, in the one phone call i was allowed, with a shotgun at my head, i was forced to tell kevin i’d left him and hang up.

That night was the start..

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